What will it take to get in…

Posted on 1:16 PM by Miss Euphoria Jade Oyatz | 3 comments

I knew from the minute I saw him walking up to the front of the church that sermon today would be a little bit more than different. Even the way he walked, head held low, hands humbly crossed in front together…. Almost like the weight on the message had him firmly planted on the ground. His suit was not extravagant or fancy at all. The way he carried himself, it wasn't that he was shy, more like he was focused, extremely focused and sincerely humbled. 

He wasn't our pastor, he was visiting from Nigeria, so after delivering greetings from home and well wishes he got straight into the message just as I expected him too. Before the words came tumbling out of his mouth I could already feel my tummy start to turn. This was and wasn't a sermon to take down notes, I barely even wanted to look up the Bible scriptures he was flying through. I wanted nothing to distract me and especially not the notification light on my phone. This was not the time to refresh my IG timeline! The sermon was titled the 'Old Path' and for the purpose of writing this I wish I took some notes down, but I'm not here to preach. I'm here to speak freely, well as freely as I can without bringing down the temper of the Lord. The sermon was a heart wrenching warning/reminder that God is on His way. He said we should do away with the saying "Jesus will Soon Come" and realise that He is already at the door! Guys, He's not a couple of years away anymore, He's at the door. Even if this man wasn't in my church today I would still know that God's time is now! The time frame in between all the bad things that are happening in the world is getting smaller and smaller, disaster is an everyday thing. And you would notice because what used to make us stay glued to the news before has now become what we casually scroll by on our different timelines. It is everywhere and it is the world we live in now, so you cannot tell me that you haven't noticed anything. 

He went through a list of videos on YouTube that we should watch about people who had received revelations about hell and heaven; people who had actually observed the judgement of others, seen ministers being dragged to hell by the truck load for the tiniest of sins. We've all heard about different people across the world sleeping and waking up with deep revelations about judgement day and we've all discarded it as people being thirsty for media attention. God have mercy on our souls! These things that we have discarded casually because they made our tummies turn funny will be brought up on the last day and God will point it out to us… "Were you not warned?". Guys the side of God we have on earth will be different to the one we meet at the Gates of Heaven, mercy ends on earth, take it while it's still abundant. And I'm not talking from being Holy, I know without a shadow of doubt that I will not make Heaven if God comes this second. But it's a thought that has always been on the back burner of my mind. Read my twitter timeline; go back on posts I have written on this very blog, I'm as far away from heaven as it gets. In fact if I had to get extremely visual about it I would say I have little flames licking at my ankles in anticipation. Don't worry; I can take being this real with myself, can you?

From all the separate testimonies that people have been giving all around the world we see that our standards to get into Heaven is far from what God expects. The pastor said that he was sent to tell us that about 99% of our churches today or on the broad path and only a handful on the narrow path. We have been careless with our Christianity and we forget who it is we want to spend eternity with and where. Wrapping your head around this might seem a bit tasking, so I'm going to take you through where I passed to get to my realisation. It might or might not, we'll see. God does not change. That is it. Allow that to sink in. We sing it all the time and take so much delight in the fact that God does not change and it's usually linked to a promise or blessing which makes it easier to observe. Now think about it this way; what He said in the beginning is still the same today; God is the only complete definition of faithful…. Period! Now, we all come along with this new age Christianity, where churches are bending this way and that way to accommodate new believers. To make Christianity fit into our current times. How dare we? What were we thinking? That we can walk up boldly to the Kings of Kings, the Absolute Ancient of Days and present him with this new Christianity and ask that He let us in through the pearly gates?? Like really? To be amongst those who stood fearlessly in the face of opposing times and mobs without compromising their faith, who looked death in the face and said bring it on for the sake of righteousness? That's the same heaven we won't to enter with our diluted Christianity, all in the name of moving with the times? God does not change there are no two ways about it, what he expected from that martyrs back in the day is what he expects from us now, you will be seriously deceiving yourself if you think "trying" is enough to get you into heaven! Don't even start with that 'all that matter is having a personal relationship with God' discussion, we are passed that! You don't want to believe everything that comes from your pastor's mouth, fine! But you better be crossing your Ts and dotting your Is when it comes to the word of God. Let that be your only reference point! 

There have been speculations on what will and won't get us into heaven; but you have to bear it in mind that you want to go kick with the Holy of Holies for eternity… Something, if not everything has got to give. Guys come on! This is a big deal; God does not exaggerate. When He says He's going to open the floodgates of heaven to bless you there is no doubts about that. You know that when God is going to bless you He will bless you. And it's the same way if He says hell will be a place of great torment for eternity he is not exaggerating. He created us all, he knows our threshold for pain, He didn't say great torment for a while he used the word eternity because that is what will be. God will not change what he said before to suit our new age faith.

You can read this post and scrutinize what I have said, look for loop holes if you want, whatever it takes to make this easier to ignore, go ahead. It has been heavy on my mind since I heard it this morning and I just had to say something! It's not what our generation will want to hear and maybe I haven't said it correctly but I had to say something! The calendar turns faster and faster these days and we've become accustomed to the speed that we don't realise that it's all leading up to a circled date in heaven and approaching at record speed! Our time of grace is slipping through our fingers like fine sand; we don't only live once. Where we end up in the next life will be our last station. Is it somewhere you would be happy to spend eternity in?

Leave the media and the sermons, leave the doubts and the condemnation… go back to the word! That is all we have, that is God's own reference guide and we have access to it, do not be foolish to ignore it! Do not be so quick to drink up the word watered down; you will be judged by the undiluted version on the last day. I cannot tell you to do this and stop doing that because I don't know it all, and for the longest of time I have always thought that sincerely wanting to live by God's standards was all it took to make heaven but boy was I wrong. I forget the magnitude and greatness of God, having access to Him so easily does that. Unfortunately, some of us might only find out what it takes to get in when it's too late, but for those that are reading this now and feel some sort of conviction run back to the Word! Keep it in your hearts more than ever before and live from it; because guys, that's all it is, that is what it will take to get in.

You Were Right There… Deji

Posted on 2:11 PM by Miss Euphoria Jade Oyatz | 6 comments

He told me he had been rushed to the hospital but he was a secret worrier so I just played it down in my head till it registered who he was actually talking about… I don't know what took over me but the pessimist in me rose to the occasion momentarily and I heard a faint 'he might not make it' right before I jammed the door shut on that part of my brain. It was out of the blue, it was out of context! it had nothing to do with the prior conversation… all through the day I juggled worse case scenarios in my head trying to mentally prep myself for the worse. After all he wasn't my other half but my other half's other half… so in that sense he was an extended other half of mine. And when the call came through in the early hours of the morning I knew what I had to do, I knew what that flash on my phone meant but Got have mercy when I heard my other half say the words on the phone reality did not set in… what did set in was the fact that I wasn't ready. Death had always loomed around but it had always been on the outside of my circle, but now… now it was one person away from me. The thought of dying has not been something I have thought long and hard about… it scares me, but to the normal amount. I don't wake up in cold sweats in the middle of the night with the fear of dying. However what I do fear more is having death take away something that you would rather not live without and making you do it when you're not quite ready… Deji was dead and even though I knew it before hearing it nothing could describe the shock I felt of having death in my circle. I could feel it and I could feel the gap vicariously from my other half. I thought I could be stronger because there was no direct connect to him apart from the fact that we had met and he was someone I was thrilled about getting to know more as my future with my other half progressed. I had all the time imagined him as one of the few men walking side by side and prostrating with my other half on a certain special day. Someone I would later on learn to confide in when things weren't going too well. Someone who we would have over every Sunday and often reflect on just how radical and hilarious his speech was on our wedding day…. He was a tremendous person and had lived vicariously in my life for the last two years without really knowing it. I feel silly for being this upset and having numerous outbursts of tears throughout today as I am currently doing… but I can't help it. The vivid flash backs of him in sitting in my kitchen in London two Christmases ago haunt me. I try to think about how that visit would have gone if I had known he would die today…. I don't know how to say this but he didn't look the dying type, he didn't look the 'one minute here, next minute gone' type of guy. He looked like a fresh batch of life and zeal. We used to tease him that he had to move back home to settle down and get a proper girlfriend and start a family and that was exactly what he was about to do in a few months, and it gave me peace at night knowing that my other half would have a positive driving force nearby seeing as I am miles away… but, now that's all gone and I've been sitting here for hours trying to decide on how to bring these numerous questions before God respectively because right now I am rigid with fear. I am secretly letting all my dreams and aspirations fly away with the wind because I could be gone tomorrow… I am secretly asking God if death is going to come any closer so I can learn to love a little less or stop all together. I am scared every feeling rushing through my body, scared to ignore anything that might be pointing to an impending doom, trying to read signs that most likely mean nothing. I am just scared because suddenly will always fall short of really describing how quickly Deji left… where are you?

i don't remember

Posted on 5:23 PM by Miss Euphoria Jade Oyatz | 2 comments

i'm sorry but i don't remember you,
all these things your saying....
i'm sorry but i don't remember you....
i recognize the tone of your voice,
that's emotion, right?
yes i know that.
but i'm sorry,
i don't remember you.
don't touch me there, i can feel it.
it doesn't feel the same.
i don't know the same and i don't know you.
yes i can see finger prints all over your heart,
but i don't know that they are mine.
yes i see smile lines on my face,
but i don't remember that you put them there.
yes i felt the air lighten when you came in,
but i don't know that it is because of you.
i don't remember you.
i'm sorry.
please stop looking at me like that.
it is too intimate and i don't know you that way,
or at all.
i am not in denial,
i just don't remember you.
surely if we were in love like you say,
it should stand the test of anything.
answer me this, why can't i remember!?!
please, i need to be myself right now,
whoever myself is.
i don't remember you
who is he?
she runs through her mind quickly!
searching from room to room for a sound,
a picture,
a smell,
finally she stops,
places her hand on where he had touched her.
she had lied.
she felt something.
but she couldn't have confessed this to a stranger.
she couldn't have told him that she had felt peace when he touched her,
she couldn't have.
how could she...

she didn't remember

The Fight With(in) Me

Posted on 4:57 PM by Miss Euphoria Jade Oyatz | 0 comments

These tears running down my face,
Causing cracks in my well put together lie.
Seeping into my fake smile like justice through the grasp of oppressors!
Internal screams
Why are you fighting against me!
You are inside for a reason!
No one wants to see you!
No one wants to understand it!
Don’t you see, you fool!
The lie is a necessary cover for you!
You need me to be your outside!
You wouldn't survive if it was any other way.
I work so hard to keep it together to protect you!
How dare you try to embarrass me!
You are me but on the inside!
The pain you feel, we feel!
At night in the dark when we are one, who nurses these delicate tears??
Me! You! We do!
Which arms grab at the sides to stop you (us) from ripping apart?
Me! You! We do!
You think I’m the one that’s fake when we are just ONE!
Now u seep out at the corners,
Trying to catch me out when all I’ve ever done is give you the protection that you NEEDED!
But that’s ok!
These hands will no longer run to my face to catch or wipe away the truth.
You think they will accept you for what you truly are??
You fool!
Everyone needs someone
And I am/was your someone!
You can’t be weak in and out,
You needed my fa├žade.
I thought you were worth protecting too,
I really did.
Yes, weak but widely misunderstood.
But now I see your selfish and only crave attention.
You’ll do anything to be heard and seen,
Even destroying yourself.
I hope you make a life out of it because I am done.
Take the front seat!
See how they like you now.

LOok eVerYboDy, I haVe A gUeSt!!!

Posted on 11:37 AM by Miss Euphoria Jade Oyatz | 1 comments

Yup its exactly what it says, i have a guest blogger today, it's Folashayo! Never had one them before so this is all very new to me! She is someone very dear to my heart who has offered to share this beautiful thought provoking piece with me and you guys and I am very honoured!

People often ask, how do you know it when you see it.

A lot of us expect complexity, a vast spread of non connecting dots, a maze or maybe even a live size jigsaw puzzle.

We go in circles looking for the idea of this thing that we seek, a search for anything in close semblance to the idea we have been fed with for so long.

How do u find what u don't understand, what is it u want, a perfect adaptation of a seemingly happy ever after, one that can be seen and admired by all, or true happiness and content from finding exactly what you need?

Do u want the perception or the truth, the perception we share with all, but the truth abides only in your heart.

Its great pleasure when the content and shell suits our idea, but when put in a position to choose content trumps shell.

I have come really close to this thing that we so earnestly search for, felt the rush and the mix of emotions it embodies.

One thing I realized was that the perception being the shell is what we seek, but the content is what we should desire cause in it lies the truth.

That way you'll realize that what you seek you have found, and the reason why you are still looking is because you don't know what it is you need.

Sometimes I think…..

Posted on 7:22 AM by Miss Euphoria Jade Oyatz | 2 comments

Sometimes I think God keeps me in my present situation so I can be closer to Him. Sometimes I think that He thinks that if I get all the things I want and are comfortable I would think that I didn't need Him as much. So to keep me close to Him He keeps me in this state of constantly wanting and needing more, because it is actually true, you only seek God when you realise you haven't got much else. It's terrible I know, the earnestness only comes through when your heart longs for a change or 'breakthrough'. So perhaps keeping us, sorry, me in this state has helped me with my relationship with Him, or should. Now I know I'm not exactly painting God in the best light but it's just how my mind wanders. But then again I could just be completely ungrateful and that's how I've somehow managed to come up with this regrettable theory. Maybe I do have all the things I need but just can't see it, maybe it's all in my head. God has never been one to hold back on giving His children what they need to get by… so what is it then? When you see other people that do more than just 'get by' you just have to stop and think… I know that God loves me but it's not yet connecting. How are these normal people, who aren't much different from me, just going by their day and doing so well??? Because if God doesn't love them then would I really be wrong to not what to be loved sometimes, just so I can do more than just 'get by'! But then the whole thing of waiting on God's time comes to play and then, well then you just throw your hands up in defeat, because truly nothing makes sense. And I find myself in this truly upsetting limbo between the God fearing who always just seem to be in the right place at the right time and the not so God fearing who just seem so darn lucky. And then there's me, in the valley of these two 'winning' hill tops, "WHAT ABOUT ME???" Is what I find myself thinking, instead of shouting. And yes, I know what you guys are thinking; that I should stop thinking that just because I'm God fearing means it will all fall into place without me putting any work in. I do not think like that, in fact I somehow think I have mastered the trick of eluding both God's blessing and lucky unconsciously, so all I've ever known is 'putting work in'. Maybe I'm the middle ground that was never meant to be, and let's face it someone has to be not so great to make other people feel grateful and maybe that's me. I mean don't know really, maybe there's no sense in what I'm saying and I'm totally alone in this valley of mine or maybe it really is all about God's timing and I'm just an extremely ungrateful brat right now who deserves nothing more than for her world to REALLY fall apart. It's all very hard to tell and distinguish when you're low in spirits. Maybe God has given me this time of 'no distractions' to really work on my relationship with Him to prepare me for the greatness that's just round the corner and like the little minded human I am, all I can see to do is complain and moan…. But this is yet only another 'maybe' and after all I only really think like this sometimes…

New Shoes and the irrelevant!

Posted on 4:37 PM by Miss Euphoria Jade Oyatz | 2 comments

New shoes! This post has nothing to do with new shoes but I just got a new pair and I've just finished crippling myself in them while pretending to be a sexy video vixen with my pj shorts on while brushing my teeth… complete with my hair net of course! and my brother shaking his head in disapproval LOL! Anyway a lot has obviously gone on since my last post and this isn't my usual style of writing…. I don't do the whole 'my-blog-is-my-online-diary' so we're not going to play catch up or anything (who the bloody hell is 'We' though???? LOL). Not like I've had an eager audience checking in every other day for a new post, but don't worry my love, this place was created for my time… Jade Time, and we never expected much or any traffic at all to be honest. Just somewhere pretty and organized to throw my not so organized thoughts in a theatrical and slightly over dramatic style! Any way so a lot has happened since my last post and now that I'm thinking about it I somehow think this material will be better suited for the sister blog… it's where I go to throw stuff like THIS!…. When I say 'THIS' I mean posts that have nothing to do with the title, so are most times untitled and really a lot about nothing and sorta pointless too thinking about it now, but still worth writing apparently… but that's just what I think. It's great to be able to create these little places where you can just come and yank the mess in her head and throw it at the screen to see if it creates something interesting and worth reading again or…. If it presents you with yourself and your reality which is sometimes hard to come back and read again but somehow necessary from time to time… you just never know I guess. There are so many things tugging at me that I feel I should touch on but I fear that I might be a bit classless in the way I go on about it so I'll wait till I'm in a better position to get it all out there creatively. So as you can see this post was completely unnecessary and a lot about nothing but I enjoyed writing it…. I find my mindless mumblings somewhat therapeutic… but like I said this spot was created for me to just, well… you know, off load. Hmmm… I wonder if I should become one those girls who comes back to report every insignificant thing about my week… you know, like the young career girl who is loved by everyone envied by a few…. Great friends with a really cool job and who constantly tries to find herself through stupid overrated experiences that barely scratch beyond the surface of life's true lessons…. I'd probably have to start using kisses and hugs after each post to my devoted readers and change my template to something really hip and girly that makes every post look like a post-it! Or a fecking DIARY! Ok, I'm done now!