Lost.....
Its overwhelming, it’s swelling in my chest
I feel the tears welling up.
I feel the pressure on my insides
I lost him.
It was cold and my fingers were stiff,
I couldn’t hold on,
I tried to, my joints wouldn’t bend.
I still hear him shouting my name.
And it carries over the sound of the waves and sea
It carries over the incessant screaming in my head.
I claw my fingers into my head, begging for a release.
I draw blood but no pain....
No gain for me.
I want to go with him.
I want someone to let go of me
I want the falling feeling.
I want the nothingness.
I want the whispers of death in my ear.
Anything to kill the screaming in my head.
I’ve cut so many times,
My body has now refused to heal.
I leave a trail of my blood.
That way I never get lost.
Those are my crumbs back.
I have been searching for Lost.
On darkest nights with wicked winds.
I have gone, when madness has robbed me of my sight and reasoning,
Yes, when I was blind I went.
But I never found Lost.
Lost had abandoned me.
And now I will always be found.
These bloody trails will always lead me back to me.
Back into my head,
To the house that has no windows or doors.
The house painted in deep despair with a light coat of anguish.
It is not seen and unfortunately not Lost.
It finds you when death skips you.
It finds you when death takes half of you
And leaves you with the half you cannot take care of.
When cutting no longer goes deep enough,
When blood isn’t red enough.
When the screams of the earth aren’t drowning enough.
And when Lost is nowhere to be found.
This house in my head finds you and takes you in.
If you’re lucky, your case of sadness might be so high
That if finishes you off.
If not,
On darkest nights with wicked winds,
You wander, searching for Lost,
Even though scarlet footprints make it impossible find.
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