The Point.
What was the point of this, I mean the point of the whole thing? Right there and then I knew I couldn’t be with him. What was the point of being with this man, this man that couldn’t open his mind to anything, this man who just refused to broaden his horizon, his taste, his style, his learning methods.
Forget methods, he just wasn’t ready to learn. And it’s not like I’m all for change my self, I mean change scares me but I’m so hungry for more that I do it anyway. A girl like me loves to try different things with someone, one who is open-minded and able to adapt after time.
What was the point of being with this man who was quite happy to stay where he was with no intention of changing for the one he claimed he loved. I can’t do this, I can’t be in a hole with him, I changed for him, or I was ready to change for him. To take on some of his values and things he found important, but only if I see him trying to embrace the things that I love. It’s not like I’m a rocket scientist or anything. I’m not asking the man to learn a new fucking language; I’m just asking him to acknowledge the things that I like! I’m not asking him to read every book I’ve ever read and loved, in fact I’m not asking him to read at all, but to acknowledge the fact that I like to read, that I love to write, and maybe once in a while ask a few question.
I’m just asking for the effort. Its not easy for me to put myself in his frame of mind, Lord knows I absolutely hate it but I do it anyway, and ask all the questions that I know he is dying to answer. I do all that, I come to his level and try to teach and explain everything. I’ve learn to dumb everything down, things I never thought would need dumbing down I have dumbed down.
Try to introduce him to new music, I mean we all love music, it’s like a universal thing right? Wrong! Soulful music that everyone can relate to and I mean anyone, I have introduced to him. But every time he gets my iPod and I finally believe I’ve reached out to him, what does he do? Click menu and start searching for the same meaningless overplayed song. And no, I don’t even know why those songs are on iPod in the first place.
How can I be with a guy that can’t listen to my iPod on shuffle without skipping all the time? And when it comes to music I know that I am not one sided and I am one of the most diverse people you could ever hope to meet, everything is welcome bar metallica, but that still isn’t good enough for him.
Take him to the cinema to see a movie that I want and what does he do? Fall asleep! Doesn’t even try to feign interest, just goes right to sleep. And I know the truth of the matter is if you really love someone these things shouldn’t matter but they do and the fact is I don’t love. I don’t love him until we’re in the dark and he gently starts stroking my thighs and starts kissing me, or when he mounts me. I don’t love him until then. Until we’re in the dark and I can picture being with someone that truly gets me and all my crazies, and to be honest he isn’t bad on the eyes, on the contrary he is extremely good on the eyes, with a body that creates deep fired want when he walks or when he smiles. But with all this I only ever truly love him in the dark when I can pretend that I am with his body but the mind of someone that truly gets me.
So I ask my self what is the real point of all this is? I am only happy with him for a few hours of the day when its dark and I can play make believe without being caught, and I spend the other hours of the day praying for dark to come or inducing happiness with alcohol. So what is the point of being with this man?
Do I have to pray for a world in total darkness so I can play make belief all day long or do I need to move on and find someone that doesn’t request so much of my fantasying skills?
2 comments:
Wow!I love ur truth, cuz truly sum time or the other we av had to love in d dark where we can imagine the one our chemistry is drawn to.I am happy u r no longer there I believe?? Lol
no (at least i don't think so :s.....lol),but when i was, you'd think getting out was the more obvious option but it wasn't, i can proudly say that i eventually got out! came out wiser too! lol
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