So mUCh ClOSEr!

Posted on 4:51 AM by Miss Euphoria Jade Oyatz | 0 comments





I had always had dreams... i was expectant so it was expected... for a while you had been a reoccurring dream... and with each hard thought i pushed you into my dreams during the day... you see you were/are the person....and for a while you were my person... the dreams of 'how it was supposed to be' eventually turned into nightmares.... looking at the dream from an outsiders point of you it was hard to pick out the mare.... it was a perfectly beautiful dream of the end of a long wait.... it was a deserving dream.... we had waited so long... we had made it through....and now we met.... but it was just a mocking sneer, seeing as all my other dreams had disappeared at the stating fact that we were no longer together.... but this dream however stayed behind.... and would on occasional nights come and rip one 'Stitch' from my recovering heart... but enough of the gloom.... i wanna take you into the dream.... 

 You would hold me, you should hold me... memories of the two of us muddled together in a corner of somewhere... i sat on your lap, knees up to my chest....and your arms going fully around me... it almost looks like you were trying to keep our lil bubble intact... i could smell you... all of you. The scent, relaxing, calming but honestly you were calming enough. We sat in our world and whispered secrets about the perfectness of our lil bubble/world.... the outside world all sat in their favourable positions starring.... but your eyes never left mine..... The world in full swing of vibrant colours.... like a kaleidoscope....but we were in black and white and our bubble in grey.... we were simple.... the bubble kept complications away and we lived it... it was time to leave behind everything that alters back, get our focus forward and our love back on track- i need you so much closer.... words that would resound in my head...
At that moment, i come on with a frantic struggle trying to get more of me in the inside of you... I NEED YOU SO MUCH CLOSER! Louder in my head... jabs and swings at my sanity. But i still needed you so much closer... our simple bubble was becoming thinner.... this dream was coming to an end and you would vanish and i would gain my colour... but the words were still on loud echoes in my head.... i still need you so much closer.... but they were futile efforts... i could feel our scent being mixed with the scent of the coloureds but i kept on struggling... grabbing as much of you as i could... you were oblivious to my wondering hands grabbing.... you were oblivious to your own disappearance, like you didn't know what it meant.... like you didn't know this was a dream and WE would be gone in a matter of seconds.... your expression remained unchanged.... your stare still never left mine but my vision had become blurry as liquid eased down my cheeks.... you were mute to my hustle and bustle within our tiny bubble..... still you starred on like i had never moved... like we were still playing the secrets game... at this stage i was pretty sure i was screaming.... your arms were still around my frame... but that was it... i could no longer feel the pressure of your hold and i was slipping but you weren't aware.... and then.... you vanished! i was sitting upright....no colour.... no scent... the only thing i brought back with me were the tears... that's all i ever managed to bring back and yet night after night i would still struggle hoping that one day i could bring you back with me.... despite the vanishing lines of your existence..... felt like your hold was getting weaker with each passing night... the dream itself was fading.... the thought of this should have brought relief but tears gushed out angrier.... my night of mares were finally coming to an end... but i was mourning the original dream and the expectations it brought with it.... cause they were finally coming to an end too.... SIGH... lay back down... this was routine... this was the second phase of my night... the dreamless night.... my mind would still race unconsciously but it was never able to create an images.... just the blank darkness... i started slipping AGAIN, but not before i put my finger to my face and tasted my own tears.... my desperate efforts to clutch onto something real through it all..... I NEED YOU SO MUCH CLOSER.... but now barely audible through the silent drops of my tears...

The sCReAm that NeVer cAmE...

Posted on 5:06 PM by Miss Euphoria Jade Oyatz | 2 comments


I heard the thud..... he was there... he had a yellow t-shirt on... and with the way I was causing the room to quiver with shakes coming off my body, it's a wonder that i did not run.... he looked angry but more confused than anything else... he too was puzzled that i did not scream or run... i just stood there with the look of utmost interest...shakes and all..." why are you here?" i asked.... his reply came out in a furious growl.... " i'm here to take it forcefully".....with a calm that shocked me and momentarily stopped the shakes...but only momentarily.... i asked " take what?".... shock hit him then, it took over his face and his mouth opened but the brain could not translate... he composed himself and even angrier than the first time, he replied "LOVE!".... never had i in my life heard such a beautiful word sound so ugly...so hateful.... whatever my faced mirrored gave him pleasure 'cause the most cynical smirk came across his face... his oddly beautiful face...despite the cracked lines caused by the anger... he was tall and dark skinned but not so dark... the right type of dark....it was hard to see 'cause it was dark...he had water all over his face... hmmm.... must be raining outside....i was using the lighting from the thunder to view his face.....which was only occasionally.... he was not scrawny at all, but not overly built...he looked athletic...and thinking about it now if i had decided to run he would have caught me effortlessly.... but back to reality...to this nightmare, for now.... "love?" i asked?.... "you want to take love forcefully from me?" ..... he smiled again...he was thoroughly enjoying the confusion in my tone... he saw it as weakness, which i can imagine made him feel in control of the hostility... "yes, love" is what he answered, less angry this time.... he sounded rather pleased.... i couldn't hide it... i was thoroughly perplexed.... i had been prepared to hear my life was what he wanted, or my possessions...just from looking at my room any thief up to no good could see that i was good for the money.... but it dawned on me that he wasn't that sort of thief...in fact, looking at him a bit closer, i made some observations of my own.... his clothes and looks were not like that of someone in want...but his soul and heart...well, that was a completely different story...one i would probably not hear...ever.... i had been thinking so much, that i had not realised that he had moved... he was now right in front of me... still smirking....but he stopped there and made no more advances....just starred HARD at me..... still smiling.... i figured he was waiting for me to scream or run...but i still couldn't, not because i was choked with fear but because honestly... i didn't want to... curiosity still had me, and if i was a cat today was my D-day... i was still trying to take in this monster... i was back in the present and i could smell him.... again, SHOCK...he didn't smell like a monster... he smelt like want... embarrassingly, i realised he smelt like my WANT.... and at this stage all i could do was smell...smell till i realised that i was no longer standing.... i was on my bed....oh, maybe i had woken up.... nightmare over.... but wait, i'm still inhaling this WANT.....back to the present... something or someone is tugging at my garments... now i feel scream and fear rising.... the scream now in my mouth, all i need to do is open it... but it hits me...this monster could have been anywhere, he could have gone anywhere for "LOVE" ...anywhere, but he was here instead.....he had chosen me, he had watched me.... deemed me fit enough to posess love...and that's when it happened..... i left this room and, traveled back to the colourless months of dread.... months where i had been left for the same reason this monster was here....LOVE. i had been accused of being unable to give "LOVE"..... been left... and now, back to the present this monster deemed me fit and was going to take it forcefully from me.... but what? I didn't have it...did i? No no no, thats why i had been left.... i didn't have it.... then the fear started vibrating off me again... what would he do when he found out that i didn't have it... he would not be as merciful as HIM and just leave me... no... he wanted it....it was then i started my steady panic... thrashing around in own linen trying get away from him.... he would take LIFE if he couldn't get LOVE, so i finally struggled for my LIFE....I was expecting to be met with a hard blow to the head or something monstrous, but he just held me pinned down and starred at me thrashing.... captivated.... like i was a prey entertaining the carnivore right before the devouring... i could feel liquid on me coming from him, i couldn't tell if it was the rain off him or my own sweat... i kept thrashing....but still not screaming... then he did the most frightening thing.... he lay on top of me... he was heavy but not suffocating heavy....he lay on top of me and i couldn't move...he just lay there still...his body was warm despite the dampness of his clothes form the rain.... and the smell hit me again....WANT... i stopped thrashing and laid still...completely still... we were still and silent....all i could do was inhale..... the rain had started outside again... heavier.... his heart beat did not match mine...i could feel it through my clothes... the beats were good and steady....hmmm.... he must have a healthy heart....maybe good...no.....i couldn't think that far.... but i could think that. for once i was seen as someone with "LOVE" worth taking.... who was i to deny him...the only person who'd ever wanted......and again curiosity had me .... what if i did have this love...what if I actually had it....this whole time...the period of blindness!...the one I had qualified as a life fit for someone like me who had nothing to offer..... and i had it this whole time! Well i WANTED to find out.... i had to find out....even if i my life was at risk.... maybe i didn't want the life if i truly had nothing to offer.... back to the present... we still lay still... with fear i moved a little and he's body became dead weight...willing me to remain still again.... but i couldn't... i had to find out... i managed to get my hand free and touched his arm...I left my hand there for what seemed like an eternity... he stirred a little then lifted himself, hovered above...... and looked at me....still the scream never came.....

Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)