The snow is steady falling outside *sigh*....roll over check my clock its, 2am.*sigh* I still have another fours of rolling to do. It's been four weeks of my constant rolling now, rolling and not bumping into anything, just the solid cold nothingness on the other side..... Its been four weeks of just my breathing, me laying with out the lullaby of the other. Its been four weeks. *sigh*. Four weeks of my black and white days, birthing more grey ones. Four weeks since these pictures have been flashing past my mind on mute. Flashing pictures which my mind has stopped comprehending. Four weeks of counting these bottles, my friends, on the window sill. Four weeks..... *sigh*. Four weeks of being stuck in slow mo, feeling like the girl standing on a street corner, while fast blurs of colour speed past me ,and for some reason I just stand there. I can't pick up my pace, every thing is in slow mo, I'm stuck in slow mo.... Four weeks *sigh*.... Back to my present...these four corners of my room seem to be closing in, but its my mind teasing me again. I wish they would close in, come so close together that they'd have no choice but to swallow me in their attempts to disappear into oblivion....Silence......again. Further mocking and highlighting my loneliness.*sigh* Shadows of the falling white outside, but not even the light graceful falls of these beauties can hypnotize me into appreciation. Instead, I hear in the back of my head, conversations that happened on nights like this, filled with enough happiness to whisk me out of slow mo,add colour to my flashes, and stop my rolling but.....its been four weeks. Check time....its only 2:15am...*sigh* Don't want to miss you, but how can I not, when everything commands and summons thoughts that were four weeks and then some ago?.... How can I not, when my heart now seems too heavy to carry around in my chest? How can I not miss you? Tears flow without reason, I have stopped the questioning of my bodily reactions.....I have stopped questioning my lungs when it is unable to take air that is readily available....I have stopped....Its been four weeks. Its been four weeks since sleep left me....Its been four weeks since I have been begging and pleading... Every night, laying perfectly still waiting for its call, the one that never came....Its been four weeks.....*sigh*....Its been four weeks of my happiness running on a low current, one that can not light up my entire body, its like a light bulb already dangerously dim and flickering still....Its been four weeks..... Its been four weeks since sanity evacuated my mind and gave room for nothing.....Its been four weeks since I was told I was no longer good enough....... Four weeks since I murdered what we had....*sigh*...Four weeks since I was starred at with a vacant look, four weeks since I went invisible....Four weeks....*sigh*....Its been four weeks since you left me....*sigh*
