You and I

Posted on 5:39 PM by Miss Euphoria Jade Oyatz | 2 comments




As I sit and reminisce of what happened,
I feel the same way, unburdened inside and as light as air but oddly comfortable with my weightless satisfaction.

Eyes closed, mind deep in thought.
It all comes back to me, like a river rushing to fill its dry bed.
We had already played with the idea of you being here and now you are here, so why the scare?

I’ve found you and yet I’m hesitant. Doubts fly freely in my head of all that could go wrong.

You call my name and I’m back in reality.
My mind filled with thoughts, but no time, the time is now, time to make a decision.
I can’t deny that there is a longing there, but It could always be ignored .
Body and mind are in complete conflict.
It’s left to me, do i want this?

No time to think, the time is now.

Temperature rises with each passing second.

Longings getting stronger.
Fantasies slowly melt into reality.
Contemplations on seizing the moment arrive.

Bodies readily wrapped around each other.

It’s too hot to think.

Don’t lose consciousness now.

My body is heated up with desire, my mind with passion.
Your touch is firm and gentle.
Fingers trace invisible patterns on my back.

Brain freezes in shock.
Never has it been prepared to translate such passion.

Time appears to have come to a standstill, feeling of gravity being overruled
Everything seems to be afloat, but somehow we are still embedded in each other.

Motions begin to slow down.

Hands on my hips, strong and steady.

We are close now,

Heart beats are uneven but still in tune.
Lungs swell, trying to keep up with new rapid breaths.
Things get hotter still,
Sweat dribbles down my neck

The time is now.....

The Point.

Posted on 3:30 PM by Miss Euphoria Jade Oyatz | 2 comments

What was the point of this, I mean the point of the whole thing? Right there and then I knew I couldn’t be with him. What was the point of being with this man, this man that couldn’t open his mind to anything, this man who just refused to broaden his horizon, his taste, his style, his learning methods.

Forget methods, he just wasn’t ready to learn. And it’s not like I’m all for change my self, I mean change scares me but I’m so hungry for more that I do it anyway. A girl like me loves to try different things with someone, one who is open-minded and able to adapt after time.

What was the point of being with this man who was quite happy to stay where he was with no intention of changing for the one he claimed he loved. I can’t do this, I can’t be in a hole with him, I changed for him, or I was ready to change for him. To take on some of his values and things he found important, but only if I see him trying to embrace the things that I love. It’s not like I’m a rocket scientist or anything. I’m not asking the man to learn a new fucking language; I’m just asking him to acknowledge the things that I like! I’m not asking him to read every book I’ve ever read and loved, in fact I’m not asking him to read at all, but to acknowledge the fact that I like to read, that I love to write, and maybe once in a while ask a few question.

I’m just asking for the effort. Its not easy for me to put myself in his frame of mind, Lord knows I absolutely hate it but I do it anyway, and ask all the questions that I know he is dying to answer. I do all that, I come to his level and try to teach and explain everything. I’ve learn to dumb everything down, things I never thought would need dumbing down I have dumbed down.

Try to introduce him to new music, I mean we all love music, it’s like a universal thing right? Wrong! Soulful music that everyone can relate to and I mean anyone, I have introduced to him. But every time he gets my iPod and I finally believe I’ve reached out to him, what does he do? Click menu and start searching for the same meaningless overplayed song. And no, I don’t even know why those songs are on iPod in the first place.

How can I be with a guy that can’t listen to my iPod on shuffle without skipping all the time? And when it comes to music I know that I am not one sided and I am one of the most diverse people you could ever hope to meet, everything is welcome bar metallica, but that still isn’t good enough for him.

Take him to the cinema to see a movie that I want and what does he do? Fall asleep! Doesn’t even try to feign interest, just goes right to sleep. And I know the truth of the matter is if you really love someone these things shouldn’t matter but they do and the fact is I don’t love. I don’t love him until we’re in the dark and he gently starts stroking my thighs and starts kissing me, or when he mounts me. I don’t love him until then. Until we’re in the dark and I can picture being with someone that truly gets me and all my crazies, and to be honest he isn’t bad on the eyes, on the contrary he is extremely good on the eyes, with a body that creates deep fired want when he walks or when he smiles. But with all this I only ever truly love him in the dark when I can pretend that I am with his body but the mind of someone that truly gets me.  

So I ask my self what is the real point of all this is? I am only happy with him for a few hours of the day when its dark and I can play make believe without  being caught, and I spend the other hours of the day praying for dark to come or inducing happiness with alcohol. So what is the point of being with this man?

Do I have to pray for a world in total darkness so I can play make belief all day long or do I need to move on and find someone that doesn’t request so much of my fantasying skills?

Lost.....

Posted on 4:02 AM by Miss Euphoria Jade Oyatz | 0 comments




Its overwhelming, it’s swelling in my chest
I feel the tears welling up.
I feel the pressure on my insides
I lost him.
It was cold and my fingers were stiff,
I couldn’t hold on,
I tried to, my joints wouldn’t bend.
I still hear him shouting my name.
And it carries over the sound of the waves and sea
It carries over the incessant screaming in my head.
I claw my fingers into my head, begging for a release.
I draw blood but no pain....
No gain for me.
I want to go with him.
I want someone to let go of me
I want the falling feeling.
I want the nothingness.
I want the whispers of death in my ear.
Anything to kill the screaming in my head.
I’ve cut so many times,
My body has now refused to heal.
I leave a trail of my blood.
That way I never get lost.
Those are my crumbs back.
I have been searching for Lost.
On darkest nights with wicked winds.
I have gone, when madness has robbed me of my sight and reasoning,
Yes, when I was blind I went.
But I never found Lost.
Lost had abandoned me.
And now I will always be found.
These bloody trails will always lead me back to me.
Back into my head,
To the house that has no windows or doors.
The house painted in deep despair with a light coat of anguish.
It is not seen and unfortunately not Lost.
It finds you when death skips you.
It finds you when death takes half of you
And leaves you with the half you cannot take care of.
When cutting no longer goes deep enough,
When blood isn’t red enough.
When the screams of the earth aren’t drowning enough.
And when Lost is nowhere to be found.
This house in my head finds you and takes you in.
If you’re lucky, your case of sadness might be so high
That if finishes you off.
If not,
On darkest nights with wicked winds,
You wander, searching for Lost,
Even though scarlet footprints make it impossible find.



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